twin boys

“Mom, remember when I was in your belly!!?”

“Yes I do sweet pea!! Do you remember when you were in there?”

“Yeah!! That was my good home!”

3 years ago my baby boys moved out of their good home and entered the world, earth side of my body. And my life has never been the same.

They were here. My baby boys, who I’d prayed for since I was a child. My baby boys, who years before I had lost hope in ever getting to meet. My baby boys, who I loved and cherished so much it hurt; who grew underneath my heart for 38 weeks but would now grow into it for the rest of my life.

I never dreamed of being so blessed. After all my mistakes, knowing that God loved and trusted me enough to be the mother of his angels humbled me beyond anything I can express. My life changed that night standing in the bathroom holding the positive pregnancy test; but on May 3rd, 2012, my world was rocked forever. My heart, now beating outside my chest, felt like it would burst as I held these two precious little lives in my hands.

Two years, several life changes, a pending divorce, lots of heartache and one more beloved baby boy later, I am still humbled daily by this calling of motherhood and I stand in awe at the miracles that occurred within my body. I never could have imagined that such perfection could come from such a flawed and broken woman as me, but God could and I am so blessed to be a mom. It’s not a gift I deserve, but it’s the one thing in my life I feel sure about.

I may have given birth to those boys, but they gave life to me.

~Excerpt from my post Two Peas In A Pod: A Double Miracle

As I reflect back on the last 3 years and all the enormous changes and transitions, miracles and defeats, victories and failures, I honestly am not sure I can put my feelings into words.

It’s hard to believe that it’s only been 3 years, but at the same time, it’s hard to believe it’s already been 3 years. Time is flying!

It seems like just the day before yesterday that I was tandem nursing them as we rocked in the swing outside. It feels like last night that I was able to hold them both in my arms easily; and now, this morning, they weigh a combined 70+ pounds and each take up over half my body.

They grow up, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. It’s really such an amazing thing. But as we move out of the baby years and full speed into the toddler years, I just can’t help but feel a cocktail of emotions.

My babies aren’t babies anymore.

I look at my boys and I see life. My life. Everything I am is wrapped up in them.

Motherhood saved me. It’s the greatest challenge of my life, but by far the greatest blessing and privilege.

This last 3 years has been a whirlwind. I’m not the same woman I was 3 years ago; my boys have made me better. And though this day of celebration is not about me, if it weren’t for these angels, I may not still be here today.

So we celebrate. Today, and every day, we celebrate life! Their life, my life, and our life together. It may not look how I thought it would, but God has carried us every step of the way and we are all better for it.

I have so many memories, and so many stories, and so many pictures from the last 3 years, a birthday blog post couldn’t even begin to touch it all. So I’m really not going to try. I’m just going to share an obscene amount of pictures with you, and say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to two of the coolest, silliest, sweetest, most compassionate, caring, and wonderful human beings I’ve ever known. And to think, they sprung from my body… I just can’t even! 🙂