Mom Wars: Are We Really Still Doing This?

This morning as I mindlessly scrolled through Facebook, numbing my brain from the reality of Monday and all its responsibilities, I came across an article on Scary Mommy called, “The Stay At Home Mom Challenge.” Before I could even read the article, I caught a few of the comments and then before I knew it, my eyes were rolling back so far in my head I think I saw my brain.

I thought to myself, “Really!??? Are we STILL doing this to each other???”

We are.

The mom wars are raging on. In the midst of real life and a world riddled with pain and sadness and devastation, we moms are still warring with each other about who has it harder.

I just can’t even with this anymore.


I understand the need for validation. Somewhere to vent and spew how hard our life is. Some listening ear to catch our pain and say, “Ugh! That sucks. I hear you.”

But guess what?

We can do that for each other. We really can. All of us can do that for each other, regardless of what our work schedules look like.

No matter what acronym sums up our current lifestyle situation-SAHM, WAHM, WM, and whatever else exists out there to minimize ourselves into some 4 letter word-we can support each other.

I think if nothing else, we can all agree that parenting is just hard. It is. Whether you stay home all day with your own self-created army of small humans, work in an office 8-12 hours of the day, or do some combination of it all, parenting is a hard job. Whether we are doing it with a partner, a family, or completely alone, it’s just hard. Life with kids looks much different than life without kids. Period. But even that doesn’t need to be a war. Life is hard no matter what route you take.

So c’mon moms!!!!!!

We need each other!

Sitting behind our computer screens and phone boxes throwing stones at each other trying to see whose words get the most backing is ridiculous. Assuming that because your situation is hard, someone else’s is easy is preposterous. Battling over motherhood is asinine.

We all make the best choices we can for our babies. At least that’s the hope.

There are some people in the world not doing that. In my opinion, maybe that’s one thing we can war against. The parents who aren’t actually parenting their children. But even that feels somewhat judgmental and pointless.

None of us knows anyone else’s situation or struggles. Even those of us who choose to write about our personal lives for all the world to judge and scrutinize don’t provide you with every detail.

Living under the assumption that only people in your exact same situation could possibly have empathy for what you’re experiencing just harms all of us. Pretending like you are an island and anyone whose home life is different than yours lives on another island is so incredibly isolating and unfair….to both islands.

Why can’t we all just get along?

Do we really have to continue on with the mom wars?

Does it make your parenting any better to belittle someone else’s? Does it really honestly make your day any easier to assume everyone else has it better and easier than you? Does it lighten your load even one tiny bit to be mean about other moms and their lifestyle choices?

Does it help absolutely anything to keep slinging stones at each other for doing the best we can for our families?

I just don’t understand it.

Moms, stop it!

We need each other.

Sure our lives look different. Sure your day is hard when you’re at home all day long with no breaks. Sure your day is hard when the “mom stuff” only bookends your day at the office and you never get any breaks. Sure it’s hard to parent these little people all by yourself. Sure it’s no cake walk trying to figure out how to do life alongside someone else you love but may or may not like every single day. Sure it’s hard to be a parent. Of course it is!

You know what makes it even harder?

Warring with each other about it and constantly being told you’re getting it wrong or screwing it up or your life is so easy because it doesn’t look the same as someone else’s.

It’s all bullshit. Stop it!

Talk about how hard parenting is. Talk about how much you wish you got a break. Talk about how you feel trapped at home. Talk about how you feel like you can’t ever get it all done. Talk about how you never feel like you’re good enough. Talk about how you always feel like someone or something is falling through the cracks. Talk about how it’s so easy to fall into the comparison trap and think you’re getting the short end of the stick.

Talk about it.

But don’t war about it. Don’t put each other down and mudsling about it.

Our kids are watching. They’re watching us love and care for them while we war with each other over how we choose to love and care for our individual families. We preach love and kindness and compassion to our children, yet the mom wars are an actual thing-all the while other real wars are swirling around us all.

Just stop it.

Choose love. Love your kids. Love your families. Love each other. And stop everything else. Just stop!

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