moms of boys

It’s not everyday you pick up poop with your bare hands. Unless you’re a mom that is.

That’s right folks. I picked up a piece of poop with my bare hand today. And I wasn’t even concerned about it!!! Wanna know the best part? That’s not the first time!! Now either motherhood is doing its job with me, or I’m a real sicko.

Before you become a parent, there is usually a list of things you say you’ll never do. That list looks different for every one, but I’m pretty sure grabbing poop with your bare hand doesn’t even make the cut. It’s just not something you’d think would be necessary to specify on a list of things you’ll never do.

What kind of sick sicko grabs poop with their bare hand?

Well, a mom. That’s who! When a tiny poop ball comes bounding out of a diaper and starts rolling it’s way toward your child, you grab that sucker and put it back in the diaper where it belongs. Plain and simple.

Whether you gave birth to a bouncing bundle of beauty or what seems like a pack of wild wolves, there will be gross, unexpected, even appalling things you’ll do in the name of love and motherhood.

Here’s a few of those things!

1. You might grab poop with your bare hand.

2. You will get peed on. Multiple times.

3. Your children will pee on each other. This one may be more geared toward boys as their anatomy is more aligned for it, but hey, ya never know with little kiddos.

4. It will be normal for your children to practically stick their head in the toilet while their sibling is pooping on the potty…and then they will ask to see it. And this will not weird you out.

5. You will have to fish your baby away from the toilet as he reaches his tiny hand into it to grab the poop ball just referenced in point 4.

6. You will sing ridiculous songs all day long; some made up by you, some that get stuck in your head from Nick Jr. And you will know ALL of the songs from ALL of the shows.

7. You will celebrate the strangest things and be genuinely elated. Examples include: poop inside a potty, pee inside a potty, someone standing up on their own, someone putting their own shoe on their own foot (bonus celebration if they put it on the right foot…and over the moon happiness if the two shoes match), someone doing what you’ve asked on the first try, someone speaking real words, someone sleeping through the night, etc.

8. You will have so much more patience than you ever knew existed. Things that used to bother you with other kids, you’ll find endearing with your own.

9. You’ll talk to every one about your kids. You’ll take too many pictures and you’ll plaster them on social media. You won’t apologize for it or realize how annoying you are. And when you do realize it, you won’t care because you’re that proud of these tiny people you created.

10. You will be that parent with the screaming child in the checkout line. You’ll be that parent struggling to figure out how to handle situations and questioning every move you make. You’ll feel judged and like you don’t measure up. And then you’ll see your child smile and it will all fade away.

11. You will lose your patience. You will change your discipline strategy. You will rearrange your sleeping patterns and your entire life schedule.

12. You will trade in dates for play dates and nights out with friends for tea parties and wrestling matches…gladly. Your new ideal Friday night will be popcorn and Peppa Pig with your babies.

13. You will be less organized than you planned to be. You won’t clean very much and your priorities will shift.

14. You might not ever shower, at least not alone; and when you do, it will feel like a vacation.

15. You will dream of going places alone, like the bathroom and Wal-Mart, and you will reminisce of a time when you only had to dress yourself.

16. You’ll stop breathing multiple times a day and you’ll worry about EVERYTHING.

17. Your designer wardrobe will be traded for yoga pants and t-shirts, and you’ll feel fancy when you put on real clothes of any kind.

18. You’ll start to talk like an imbecile. (What is it about kids and furry animals that make us lose all sense and language ability?) You’ll add y’s to the end of most words and terms like yucky and whoopsy will become nouns. Example, “Do you have a yucky!?”

19. Things that used to be fast and easy will take an insane amount of time, and it won’t bother you or seem strange. Then, you’ll get really good at multitasking and doing things in warp speed like some kind of time fighting ninja warrior.

20. You’ll Google all kinds of ridiculousness and research millions of things you’ve either never heard of or never imagined you’d care about until now.

Parenthood is the greatest gift in all the world. It brings unexpected, unknown change, mystery and adventure to your life you never imagined. You will feel emotions you never knew existed within you. Everything will be multiplied by 100. Your heart will be stretched, your soul will pour out, and your life will find new meaning. Your body will become foreign and it will no longer be your own. Everything will change.

You’ll talk about poop and other bodily functions more than anything, and you won’t realize this is abnormal. You will simply do things you said you’d never do because before you have kids of your own, you know nothing of them! You will say, “Forgive me father, for I knew not what I said!”

You will learn as you go and while every waking moment won’t be fun, it will be amazing. You’ll learn that clothes can be washed and so can your hands. Children can be bathed and floors can be cleaned. The things you thought mattered, won’t.

You will grow. You will change. You will fail. You will thrive.

You will find beauty in the smallest things of life. You will find new confidence as well as new fear. You will question everything and you will feel like a super hero.