I love my boys more than life itself. Truly. Like it’s borderline unhealthy the amount of love I carry in my body for those 3 humans I created. I love being a mom more than I’ve ever loved anything in all of life, and every day I am awed that I got the chance.
But if we’re being honest with each other, there are some things involved in momming that simply make us lose the will to live. And don’t you dare judge me for saying it. If you want to try to tell me that in your motherhood journey there haven’t been some things that tested your desire to keep living, then I know for sure we can’t be friends.
1. Feeding toddlers.
I mean honestly! How in the name of all that is good can it take them so long to eat such a small amount of food? And WHY is is such a struggle!? Maybe if someone had to bribe and beg me to eat 4 bites of chicken in an hour, I wouldn’t have to workout so hard.
2. Bathing more than 1 child at a time.
I actually love bath time. They’re adorable and it’s usually quite fun. But sometimes, when my youngest is standing there repeatedly slapping himself in the balls, laughing hysterically after he just dumped a bucket of water onto the floor and my lap while the other two fight over who gets to sit by the faucet, and crying over the fact that the wash cloth got wet, I feel the will to live slipping through my very fingers.
Trying to brush 3 separate sets of teeth every night and every morning… I just can’t sometimes. I’ve managed to train my older two to enjoy it (most of the time) and they don’t fight me quite as much. But my youngest… Trying to clean his teeth is like trying to convince a snapping alligator to allow me to brush its jaws. Too much!
4. Corralling everyone into the bedroom after bath time.
Something about bath time reboots toddlers. It’s like the charging station in a video game. The longer they sit in there, the more juiced they get. And then it’s like peeling them off of the walls trying to get everyone diapered and dressed. It’s during these times while my youngest is peeing on the floor as I’m breaking up a fight between what looks like two rabid monkeys fighting over a ball, that I briefly lose the will to live.
5. The transition home after being at work all day.
After I’ve been gone at work all day, the boys are pumped to the max to see me and be home. I love this! What I don’t love is that as soon as we get out of the van, it’s like someone unleashed a bag of marbles in an ice rink and I have to run around attempting to pick them all up as fast as possible lest I lose all control and everything goes to shit. Everyone is everywhere and it feels like I’m a ringmaster at the dang circus!
6. Early mornings.
Oh FOR THE LOVE! The early mornings. Having to wake up a sleeping angel at 5 or 6 in the morning is a dangerous business. I really have to “eye of the tiger” my way through it because everything, and I do mean everything, is a battle! When we have finally stopped the screaming and protesting of being alive, after I have met all the demands to turn all the lights off and fumble my way through the dark because their precious eye balls can’t yet handle the light, and in the midst of trying to accommodate each heinous request for something that of course, is wrong once I’ve gotten whatever they asked for, the will to live is gone.
7. Dressing them.
My boys have entered the “I do it myself” stage. It’s precious, really. Except when we need to actually function in the world. These days, everything I do is wrong. If I got the pants they asked for, they’re the wrong ones. If they pick them out themselves and I approve, they change their mind. If I tell them to wear socks, they act like I just told them to walk through glass. If I don’t get them socks, they act like I just gave them a brand new puppy and then took it away. It’s a losing battle. Occasionally, I get it right, and when I do…It’s like the heavens opened up and I hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant! Well done!”
8. Cutting their finger nails.
Why, oh why, do children have finger nails!? Doing this deed is a punishment straight from hell. They act like I’m trying to cut their finger tips off with scissors. By the end of it my stomach is in knots, I’m sweating, and my muscles are fatigued from the wrestling match. All the while, I must have on my game face and sing, “This little piggy,” in an effort to calm us all down, desperately trying to convince them that no one is going to lose any digits. That is, unless they don’t stop fighting me and wiggling their fingers and toes around in avoidance of the inevitable. Will to live=gone.
9. Being out in public with potty trainers.
I say, diapers for everyone til college! We are finally nearing the end of this race and I have to say, they are doing great. For the most part, potty training is actually strangely exciting and we all know how amazing it is when you get to celebrate your child’s bodily functions coming out in the correct places. But when we are out in public and I am juggling 3 boys plus a cart and whatever else, the last thing I want to do is haul the 4 of us into a public bathroom. I’m positive we will all die of some unknown bacterial infection from the boys frantically touching everything in sight like they’re on some kind of game show where the only rule is to Touch. Everything. The dumping of the cart; the caravanning of the crew; the intermittent, panic-stricken orders I bark as the little guy tries to catch his brothers pee and then climb under the stall… For the love of Pete, it’s a lot folks.
The wrath of a tired, hungry or otherwise dissatisfied toddler…. Well, may God have mercy on our souls.
Overall, motherhood is an absolute privilege and unbelievable joy. But these things cost me tiny bits of sanity on a daily basis. I’m sure there are others, but I don’t want to scare people off from having children, or make people think I’m not grateful for the chance to lose my sanity each day! Because I certainly am!
What tests your will to live in motherhood? We all have some things….