When your children are first born, you think, “There is no more love than this.” And yet, somehow, with each passing day of motherhood, your love grows deeper. Your heart stretches wider. Your soul strengthens and your knowledge that nothing and no one can ever take away from that love expands.
The last couple weeks have been filled with hard things. Painful things. Hormonal things. Hurtful things. Emotional things.
There’s more to come. And sometimes it wears me down.
At times, I feel pressed on all sides. Like I’m drowning a little bit. Struggling to keep my head above water, and definitely finding it difficult to make it look graceful.
When I feel overwhelmed with life and the demands of existing, my natural tendency is to pull into myself. To shut down and shut the world out.
As a mom, you don’t get that option. And I am so grateful.
My children are truly my sanctuary. My soft spot to land. My warm amends from a cold, cruel world. My resting place.
These boys brought me back to life almost 3 years ago, and they continue bringing me to life each day. They give me purpose. They give my life meaning. They restore my soul. Motherhood, for me, is redemption.
It’s where heaven meets earth and the world makes sense.
Parenting is hard. But it’s not just hard because of the responsibility we have to teach these children how to be successful adults. It’s hard because it forces us to tap into every single inch of our soul.
It stretches us to the corners of our hearts and leaves us no choice but to bleed love. Having that much love for someone is painful. It’s the most beautiful kind of pain, but it’s pain nonetheless.
When our babies cry, our soul feels it. When they are in pain, we physically ache. When they are in danger, our fear is carried in the depths of our bodies. When they are happy, our joy reaches heaven.
That’s why there’s no breaks as a mother. Because even if you’re not with your children; in fact, especially when you’re not with your children, your thoughts are with them. Your heart is with them. You feel them every second of every day. And it’s a lot.
But it is because of this beautiful ache of love I carry in my chest that I know how to live. It’s in that breathtaking state of pain that I feel the most alive. So even on the days that I feel worn down and the weight of life makes it difficult to move, I look into the eyes of my sons and I find it. I find my strength. I find the purpose in it all. I find God. I find myself. I find love.
And the best part is, when they look at me, that’s what they find too.
You are my safehaven.
You are light in dark places.
You are laughter when there would be tears.
You are peace when there is fear.
You are my strength. You are my wild.
I am your mother and you are my child.
You are my challenge. You are my test.
You are my everything. You are my best.
You are my laughter. You are my pain.
You are my hope. You are my grace.
You are beauty in its truest form.
You are shelter through swirling storms.
You are my purpose. You are my destiny.
You are my heart. You are my sanctuary.