How a Mom Enjoys Her Coffee in 97 Steps

I’ve never been a, “I have to have my coffee or I can’t function” type person. Thank God. I do enjoy coffee though, and have learned it certainly helps as a sleep deprived mom of 3. It’s a rare day I get to actually drink the coffee though, and I usually have about 4 half empty, or half full if you want to be an optimist, cups of coffee spread throughout the house.

Here’s how drinking coffee typically goes in this house. (Mind you, MANY steps of the day are missing. This is just a generalized run down of the coffee drinking process.)

1. Wake up to a crying baby confused and disoriented because, didn’t you just lay that little booger down 5 minutes ago!?

2. Wipe the sleep from your eyes, grab him and try nursing him back to sleep.

3. After 35 minutes of half sleep with a person attached to you, wake up abruptly to a chomp on your nipple. Ouch!

4. Try wrestling him back to sleep. This goes on for at least 30 minutes.

5. Give up.

6. Try to shake off your exhaustion and compose yourself before going down the stairs lest you fall and kill yourself and your precious peanut.

7. Put him somewhere safe like an exersaucer and find the coffee.

8. Pour it.

9. Heat it up because it’s left over from yesterday’s pot of coffee.

10. Take a sip standing in the kitchen and try to muster up some energy for the day, thankful at least for now only 1 of the 3 are awake.

11. Take another sip…

12. What’s that noise!?

13. Oh it’s the twins jumping up and down in their bed yelling, “Mooooooommmmm!”

14. Go get the twins.

15. Do the assembly of diapers, milks, breakfast, and morning cartoon choices…try to choose something that stimulates their brain and is educational, while also not driving you insane.

16. Where’s the coffee?

17. Once everyone is settled for a few minutes, sip your coffee.

18. It’s cold.

19. Heat it up again.

20. Take another sip.

21. Someone pooped. Change the diaper.

22. Take another sip…it’s lukewarm but you’ll take it.

23. Now you have to pee… go to the bathroom, with the door opened of course, and at least 2 people watching saying, “MOM! What are you doing!!?? I need some more milky! What are you doing in there!!?”

24. Answer the questions with as much of a smile as you can find.

25. Heat the coffee up again.

26. Tend to the children. Clean up some spills, trip over a toy, take a deep breath.

27. Breastfeed the little guy.

28. Where did your coffee go!?

29. It’s still in the microwave. Heat it up a few more seconds because it got cold again sitting there.

30. Enjoy a sip.

31. Fish this

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out of your 10 month old’s mouth.

32. Smell it, scared, anticipating if it’s poop or dirt. You can’t tell.

33. Wash it down the sink and wipe off your child.

34. Now it’s play time. Go enjoy some dedicated time with your boys.

35. Forget about the coffee for a few hours. It’s probably unsafe and radioactive by now anyway.

36. Start to feel tired and remember, “Oh, I have coffee!!”

37. Heat it up and drink a sip.

38. Everyone needs something.

39. Tend to all the needs with a 21 pounder dangling from your boob.

40. Give hugs, kisses and snuggles. Or time outs, whatever the case may be that 5 minutes.

41. Nap time! Hallelujah!

42. Get the twins down and pray fervently the little one will do the same.

43. A miracle has occurred and they’re all 3 asleep.

44. Sneak away quietly, holding your breath so no one smells you’re trying to get a 5 minute break and wakes up.

45. Heat the coffee and take a breath.

46. Take a few sips.

47. What’s that noise!? Oh the baby is awake! Of course, because he doesn’t believe in sleep.

48. Go get him.

49. Forget about the coffee and try to accomplish something while you only a have 1/3 of the chaos to tend to.

50. Clean, write, eat, study, etc as much as possible in between breastfeeding and entertaining a 10 month old.

51. Sit down for a few minutes and remember you still have coffee.

52. Heat it up.

53. Take a sip.

54. What’s that noise!?

55. The twins are awake! Go get them.

56. Do the diaper assembly (or going to the potty since you’re half potty training these big boys), get milks, tend to demands, etc.

57. Playtime.

58. Go outside, go for a walk, find something fun and entertaining, as well as educational, to feel like a good mom.

59. Check pinterest for ideas if necessary.

60. Love on your boys. Enjoy the moment.

61. Break up a fight, kiss a boo boo, do a timeout.

62. Inside for dinner.

63. Make dinner for everyone after tending to ALL the needs.

64. Ask children to come sit at the table and eat.

65. Endure the time it takes to get everyone’s listening ears on and working.

66. Breathe.

67. Bribe them with something that motivates them to eat their dinner.

68. Give lots of encouragement and praise as they make it through their meal one painstakingly slow bite at a time.

69. Clean up a spill, or five.

70. Fish the baby out of the dog bowl.

71. Clean him up.

72. Change diapers again and get more milk.

73. Follow through with whatever the bribe was to get everyone to eat.

74. Play some more.

75. Bath time. (Too many details to add them all in here…that’s a whole other post entirely.)

76. Get everyone out of the bathtub, brush teeth, diaper and dress every one. (Also another post entirely.)

77. Clean up toys and encourage boys to help you. Take some breaths after your toddler throws the toys and screams “no” at your face.

78. Do a timeout.

79. Finish cleaning and praise them for listening and cleaning so well.

80. Gather every one up for their bedtime story.

81. Slow down. Breathe. Read the story and enjoy the final moments of the day, excited it’s about to end.

82. Feel guilty for being excited.

83. Say prayers.

84. Give lots of hugs, kisses and snuggles.

85. Tuck every one in, dodge the the final requests and stall tactics, close the door.

86. 2 of 3 down.

87. Nurse the other one, praying he will drift to sleep soon.

88. Eventually he does. Sweet victory!

89. Lay him down ever so gently…

90. He pops back up. Nurse him again and start over.

91. He’s finally down.

92. Take a breath.

93. You made it!

94. Everyone survived another day.

95. Remember you never finished your coffee. (Yesterday’s or today’s.)

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96. Realize it’s midnight and who drinks coffee at midnight!?

97. Try again tomorrow!

So there you have it. 97 simple steps to drinking coffee as a mom!

Do you ever get to actually enjoy your coffee hot? Do you give up and make it an ice coffee? Do you give up altgether?

Let’s get a cup of coffee and talk about it!πŸ˜‰

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68 thoughts on “How a Mom Enjoys Her Coffee in 97 Steps

  1. This is too funny and very accurate. My daughter’s 5 and after a few years, I gave up hot coffee for iced coffee since it always ended up cold anyway. But I still don’t really get to sit in peace and drink it. lol

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  2. Hahaha!! You’re the best! This is all so true! And it made me so very tired just reading it. Lol! I wrote a post a little while ago called “Coffee is Supposed to Be Hot?” If that answers your question…lol! You crack me up!!πŸ˜†

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha!!! I’m still trying to figure out what that was; and if it was in fact a turd, which I fear it was, where in the world It came from! It may be a mystery I’ll never solve lol. He seems to be doing ok the rest of the day, so I think we’re good! πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I love this post! So funny and so true. I am one of those non-functioning without my coffee, Moms. Even though my son is ten now I still end up doing the constant re-heating. You have a seriously busy day and have my total respect for keeping such a great sense of humor. Crossing my fingers you’ll see the bottom of that cup on a first try one day:)

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  4. this is amazing and so true! i just.found your blog and looking forward to reading more! im a newly single mom of two young boys too and can use all the advice i can get!

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    • Oh I’m so glad you found me!!! Thank you! I’m sorry to hear you’re newly single but I pray it’s a positive, smooth transition..as much as possible. Looking forward to reading your stuff too and keeping up!

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  5. When I do find my stale-not-finished coffee, I’m so disappointed. Oh time-outs. Oh concurrent diaper changes. Oh the fact it on average takes me from about 745 to 1145 to drink my coffee!

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  6. Love it! You should try iced coffee. That way you don’t have to worry about it getting cold. =) But then again, I live in SoCal where it’s always hot.

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  7. Awesome! Mine just started pre-school, so I drink my coffee after I drop her off at school. I take a nice, long break with coffee and a snack in between trying to get the house clean and my part of the yard taken care of.

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  8. Love this! This sounds so reminiscent of my days when all 3 of mine were under 3! Aaah! Now though…I wish I could make 1 cup last that long…I drink 3 cups minimum a day… LOL

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  9. This is great! I know by the time I finish my coffee it’s ice cold! Usually I just choose iced coffee, at least then it’s supposed to be cold! Good luck getting through a whole cup today!

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