Never Say Never

It’s not everyday you pick up poop with your bare hands. Unless you’re a mom that is.

That’s right folks. I picked up a piece of poop with my bare hand today. And I wasn’t even concerned about it!!! Wanna know the best part? That’s not the first time!! Now either motherhood is doing its job with me, or I’m a real sicko.

Before you become a parent, there is usually a list of things you say you’ll never do. That list looks different for every one, but I’m pretty sure grabbing poop with your bare hand doesn’t even make the cut. It’s just not something you’d think would be necessary to specify on a list of things you’ll never do.

What kind of sick sicko grabs poop with their bare hand?

Well, a mom. That’s who! When a tiny poop ball comes bounding out of a diaper and starts rolling it’s way toward your child, you grab that sucker and put it back in the diaper where it belongs. Plain and simple.

Whether you gave birth to a bouncing bundle of beauty or what seems like a pack of wild wolves, there will be gross, unexpected, even appalling things you’ll do in the name of love and motherhood.

Here’s a few of those things!

1. You might grab poop with your bare hand.

2. You will get peed on. Multiple times.

3. Your children will pee on each other. This one may be more geared toward boys as their anatomy is more aligned for it, but hey, ya never know with little kiddos.

4. It will be normal for your children to practically stick their head in the toilet while their sibling is pooping on the potty…and then they will ask to see it. And this will not weird you out.

5. You will have to fish your baby away from the toilet as he reaches his tiny hand into it to grab the poop ball just referenced in point 4.

6. You will sing ridiculous songs all day long; some made up by you, some that get stuck in your head from Nick Jr. And you will know ALL of the songs from ALL of the shows.

7. You will celebrate the strangest things and be genuinely elated. Examples include: poop inside a potty, pee inside a potty, someone standing up on their own, someone putting their own shoe on their own foot (bonus celebration if they put it on the right foot…and over the moon happiness if the two shoes match), someone doing what you’ve asked on the first try, someone speaking real words, someone sleeping through the night, etc.

8. You will have so much more patience than you ever knew existed. Things that used to bother you with other kids, you’ll find endearing with your own.

9. You’ll talk to every one about your kids. You’ll take too many pictures and you’ll plaster them on social media. You won’t apologize for it or realize how annoying you are. And when you do realize it, you won’t care because you’re that proud of these tiny people you created.

10. You will be that parent with the screaming child in the checkout line. You’ll be that parent struggling to figure out how to handle situations and questioning every move you make. You’ll feel judged and like you don’t measure up. And then you’ll see your child smile and it will all fade away.

11. You will lose your patience. You will change your discipline strategy. You will rearrange your sleeping patterns and your entire life schedule.

12. You will trade in dates for play dates and nights out with friends for tea parties and wrestling matches…gladly. Your new ideal Friday night will be popcorn and Peppa Pig with your babies.

13. You will be less organized than you planned to be. You won’t clean very much and your priorities will shift.

14. You might not ever shower, at least not alone; and when you do, it will feel like a vacation.

15. You will dream of going places alone, like the bathroom and Wal-Mart, and you will reminisce of a time when you only had to dress yourself.

16. You’ll stop breathing multiple times a day and you’ll worry about EVERYTHING.

17. Your designer wardrobe will be traded for yoga pants and t-shirts, and you’ll feel fancy when you put on real clothes of any kind.

18. You’ll start to talk like an imbecile. (What is it about kids and furry animals that make us lose all sense and language ability?) You’ll add y’s to the end of most words and terms like yucky and whoopsy will become nouns. Example, “Do you have a yucky!?”

19. Things that used to be fast and easy will take an insane amount of time, and it won’t bother you or seem strange. Then, you’ll get really good at multitasking and doing things in warp speed like some kind of time fighting ninja warrior.

20. You’ll Google all kinds of ridiculousness and research millions of things you’ve either never heard of or never imagined you’d care about until now.

Parenthood is the greatest gift in all the world. It brings unexpected, unknown change, mystery and adventure to your life you never imagined. You will feel emotions you never knew existed within you. Everything will be multiplied by 100. Your heart will be stretched, your soul will pour out, and your life will find new meaning. Your body will become foreign and it will no longer be your own. Everything will change.

You’ll talk about poop and other bodily functions more than anything, and you won’t realize this is abnormal. You will simply do things you said you’d never do because before you have kids of your own, you know nothing of them! You will say, “Forgive me father, for I knew not what I said!”

You will learn as you go and while every waking moment won’t be fun, it will be amazing. You’ll learn that clothes can be washed and so can your hands. Children can be bathed and floors can be cleaned. The things you thought mattered, won’t.

You will grow. You will change. You will fail. You will thrive.

You will find beauty in the smallest things of life. You will find new confidence as well as new fear. You will question everything and you will feel like a super hero.


Whether you’re wiping butts, kissing ouchies, giving kisses or scooping up rogue poop balls with your bare hands, motherhood is beautiful!

“Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind.” Howard W. Hunter

What kinds of things were on your “I’ll never do that” list that changed when you became a parent?

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44 thoughts on “Never Say Never

  1. All so true! My son put his potty seat on the floor this morning and thought it was perfectly fine to go poop on the ground….just because he was sitting on the potty seat.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lol! I Love this. The one thing I said I’d never do was suck out my daughters boogers with my mouth….. But one night she had a terrible cold, couldn’t breath and all my aspirators weren’t strong enough!

    My Name is Shirley and I’m a Mom!!


  3. All of these are true for me. I never dreamed a shower without an audience would be such a luxury!!! And in terms of being peed on, ya I figured I would…. But not my 15 month old by her new baby brother. The poor thing didn’t know what hit her (probably for the better), lol.
    Great post!!!


    • Haha so funny! Yep, the other night it was one of my twins who peed on my 10 month old lol! My twins love seeing together into the toilet, or outside, or wherever…so within a year there will be 3 unpredictable fire hydrants around. Never a dull moment ☺


  4. I love this! I found myself nodding throughout the whole list. I’m always making up silly songs and talking ridiculous. I also take wayy too many pictures and totally put them up on social media (I don’t care if they’re annoying either haha). I’ll be sharing!


  5. Oh I shower with the curtain half open, or better yet, WITH my kid! I also have become a human pacifier, something I said I’d NEVER be! You ain’t kidding friend, NEVER say NEVER in motherhood! Lol Xoxo


  6. So true! All of it! I think I came to that realization when my oldest was crying in the middle of the night because he had the stomach flu and I was just so relieved when he threw up *all over me* because then he felt better. I was exhausted and in a fog, but I remember thinking, “Being happy that someone puked on you must be a mom thing . . .”


    • Haha oh,man…I’ve had that one too! One week we circled through all of us having this stomach flu thing and I held my son and rubbed his belly and back helping him puke so he’d feel better and when he did I was so relieved. Definitely motherhood! It ain’t always, pretty but it’s definitely beautiful!


  7. Bahahaha! LOVE this… we are currently singing a potty song that my daughter and I made up to try and get my son to start using the potty. He’s 21 months and looks at us like we’re nutso!😉


  8. First I would like to say I LOVE the photo with you four–super momma for sure!! Second your list was hilarious!! I am just starting to realize some of these but believe me, even girls have a great fascination in what they make happen in the toilet!🙂


  9. LOL! I loved this post. I laughed so hard I snorted (embarrassing, but true) — just add that to the list of things you thought you’d never do — laugh so hard at potty humor that you snort. Thanks for the post!


  10. This list is so accurate…I have definitely grabbed a poo ball (or 2-3) and most times without thinking twice – until after that is (Eww!) LOL

    Oh and the alone shower…it is often a thing of myths but when you get one…it is definitely a vacation.


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