50 Shades of Grace: Part 1

Since publishing my most recent post At The Edge of Grace, I’ve had some conversations and encounters that have rocked my insides a bit. Through that rocking, I’ve been able to see a few things more clearly and felt compelled to share some of the aftershock and subsequent settlement.

Because there have been multiple events, I’m going to address the main two encounters individually and split this into 2 parts so that no one passes away from a novel size blog post. My purpose is not to bash anyone or start a war; therefore I will not use any names and as few specifics as possible. Yet I feel it is important to address the issues as many of them stand in direct opposition to my stance on life and my goal as a Christian woman walking the ugly path of divorce, among other things.

When you make the choice to write publicly about the most private aspects of your life, you open yourself up to everything, not the least of which is judgment. I knew that going into the blog world, and though I am not someone who is comfortable with upsetting others or having nay sayers against me, I’m not going to allow that to stop me from doing something I feel called to do, telling my story and speaking truth.

Let’s dive right in.

Today I saw a pointed Facebook post from the same person I referenced in my post At The Edge of Grace that was very clearly directed at me. A person I’ve had a grand total of two conversations with in my life. Shortly after her post and the flood of comments that followed, I received a message from her. Here is what it said:

Hey girl! I saw your post about Gods grace. The majority of christians will honestly gently commend you for your patience… afterall, the ‘christian church’ has a higher divorce rate according to recent polls than even the ‘unbelieving world’. But, heres the thing- I am going to merely put another perspective out there. Its raw, and VERY unpopular. Trust me, you’ll get thousands of hugs and high fives for your posts supporting ‘divorce’ and probably hardly ANY for questioning your own initial reasoning. If you choose to completely ignore my message, thats ok. I love the bride of Christ and if you are genuinely a christian, nothing I say when supported by Gods word should offend you. While it might sting at first, as it does us all.  OK, so you bring up that we are ALL sinners(AMEN), you then make a giant leap that goes against scripture.. .in that Gods grace is cheap enough to NOT sanctify us and cause us to change. God says we become new creatures, but by your own admission, you did ALL the same things. Scripture isn’t ‘grey’ on the area of divorce, God hates it. You gave 2 years to a man who you fornicated with(also something God hates), had THREE boys and then… seriously? two+ years of marriage?? Thats hardly a ‘labor’ of love. Its ROUGH to stay married to a sinner. Its EASY to divorce one. I understand you had the encouragement of your family. Thats so sad. Do they not know Gods scripture about NOT speaking against two that have come together under God?? I would never encourage a couple to divorce because I ALSO know the God I serve and He CAN and DOES change the brokenhearted. He heals the wicked.. thats the business HE IS IN. There is HOPE with your husband. Scipture even promises protection for him IF he is married to a believer. Dont fear my rebuke, God seek out Gods word.. NOT ‘modern teachers’. Gods only allowances under the levitical law were adultery and that was merely because of their ‘hard hearts’. Praying for you Rachel. I know that most people will commend you, sing your praises… because your position gives them comfort in their own rebellion but Gods grace is not TO sin but to NOT SIN. He gives us the grace and mercy to be holy and be conformed into his image.

Following this message were several others with even more harsh language and judgmental tones which practically condemned me and my sons to hell for choosing to divorce my alcoholic, adulterous, mentally and emotionally abusive husband, while labelling me a “fornicating, rebellious ‘Christian’ that missionary dates guys who live like boys,” among other repulsive things. I share this because I want to dispel any potential misunderstandings from my previous post and clarify a few issues, as well as speak to each of these points.

To begin, receiving “hugs and high fives” is never my goal in why I post and share intimate details of this painful journey with the world. She stated that not many would “question my initial reasoning” for writing such posts. The ONLY reason I write about the ugliest aspects of my life is in hopes of bringing healing and encouragement to others walking a similar path. Otherwise, there is no point to going through it or speaking about it ever again. My reasoning is to show people that in spite of sin and a past colored by poor choices, followed by years of striving to correct those choices (and many more to come), God still loves me. There is still a purpose for my life and my suffering, and there is still a place for me in the kingdom, as there is for all of us should we choose to seek it.

I am in NO WAY supporting divorce or encouraging divorce. In fact, I hate divorce just as God does and tried very hard to avoid it. The length of time in which I tried is truly not up for discussion or debate by anyone other than me and God.

She states that I “take a giant leap that goes against scripture in that God’s grace is cheap enough to NOT sanctify us and cause us to change.” Where she read that I am unsure. I NEVER said, and never would say, God’s grace is cheap and doesn’t require or cause change and sanctification through Jesus. To the contrary in fact. My entire blog is a tribute to the fact that God has changed me and rescued me, and continues to do so, and my never-ending journey toward grace and redemption. In case the referral was toward an unbelief in God’s ability to change my husband, that’s inaccurate. I stated that I believed strongly in God’s ability to do that, and still do. That does not mean that God requires me to stay on a crashing train knowing it’s headed straight for death and stay on it.

In reference to Christians being “new creatures” and turning from their sin, that is true; however, “new creature” does not mean “no longer human.” It doesn’t negate our flawed nature and innate humanness. She stated that by my own admission I “did all the same things,” meaning my Christianity is a false claim because I didn’t “become a new creature.” I absolutely did change prior to and inside of my marriage. That change was not reciprocated. And regardless of change, I am still imperfect and make many mistakes on a daily basis. As do we all. I didn’t do all the same things in a sinful way. I did all that I knew to do in a biblical, Christian way in an effort to save my husband and my marriage. I understand God hates divorce and I stated that very clearly in my post. I hate it with all that is within me and nothing about this is something I would choose; nor am I glorifying divorce or claiming it is something to encourage just to satisfy one’s own flesh and selfish desires to “be happy.” I also made it very clear that this was not an effort to “find happiness and contentment for myself.” It in fact had very little to do with that. To judge the length of my marriage “to a man that I fornicated with” and deny that it was a “labor of love” is not only not something she can’t speak to, but it is inaccurate.

Her statement, “Its ROUGH to stay married to a sinner. It’s EASY to divorce one,” is one of the most appalling statements I’ve read lately. First of all, WE ARE ALL SINNERS. Marriage is rough no matter who you are married to, because we are all imperfect, flawed sinners. My situation was beyond just the typical “sinner.” Justifying her judgment and condemnation of me and my life based on biblical truth is repulsive. The bible is very clear about divorce and marriage, and even biblically, I am within my limits to get a divorce. Nothing about this path has been easy. Not the marriage and certainly not the divorce. I stayed knowing that a divorce would not solve all my problems, it would only open up a new set of problems. However, the set of problems on this side are the lesser of the two evils. Again, I did not choose this road flippantly or in my own flesh. I fought against it and wrestled with God and many others to seek truth and understanding of how to proceed in my life. My heart stays broken for my husband and it will always be a “labor of love.”

She has stated that I CANNOT remarry and that my sons will suffer forever as a result of my choice. Although I am not seeking remarriage now or anytime soon, the bible outlines grounds for divorce and the rules for remarriage. An article called Directions: You’re divorced-Can you remarry? by Gary M. Burge states, “Many today have misread this particular passage to make two statements: (1) One cannot divorce his wife unless she has been unfaithful; (2) Whoever remarries commits adultery. But this is not the meaning. The active verb here is “commits adultery,” and the entire sentence must be held together. It should be read, “Whoever does the following commits adultery: divorces his wife (except for immorality) and remarries another.” Judgment is being placed not on someone remarrying but on someone remarrying after pursuing an illegitimate divorce. If the divorce is invalid, so is the remarriage. But the reverse is also true: if the divorce is valid, then re marriage must be acceptable, just as it was in commonplace Jewish custom.” My divorce is valid by all biblical standpoints.

She also brings my family into her argument and asks if they do not know scripture speaking against two that have come together under God. There is part of the problem and why I say my sin and biggest mistake was ever getting married in the first place. We didn’t come together in marriage under God. We came together under sin and self will. I dragged him to the alter kicking and screaming. THAT was my mistake and yes, there will be consequences for that decision, among which is the difficult, painful marriage that ensued and now the subsequent divorce.

If you read my post, you know that I spoke about my strong belief in God’s ability to heal the brokenhearted and to perform miracles. I also know that this doesn’t happen in a vacuum of our own time table and that it can take years and even lifetimes. That is why I stayed the course and married him in the first place; however, it became clear that I was on a crashing train. Worst of all, I had brought three more lives onto this train with me. I agree that I will likely suffer in some way for that decision for the rest of my life. I pray firmly against the suffering of my boys, but know that they too will endure pain as a result of this decision. They would have endured pain and suffering had I chosen to stay on the fast train to nowhere as well.

Just as I have believed in miracles for my marriage, I believe in miracles for my divorce. I believe that God is standing in the gap for my sons and protecting them with His own mighty hand. I believe that He has released me from the bondage of a sinful marriage and the ugliness of my past mistakes. I believe that He is a redeemer of ALL things that I am included in that, whether I am a divorced woman or not. I believe in scripture and that God removes our sin as far as the east is from the west and that nothing can pluck us from the hand of God. I believe that I have repented of my sins and that God and I are on the same page, which is not something anyone else has a place or ability to judge.

When I said that “modern teachers” preach the fact of grace, I did not mean to the exclusion of other teachers. All biblical teachers educate people about God’s grace and mercy because it simply is the foundation of God and Christianity.

She speaks of Levitical law and that the only permission in the bible to divorce is adultery because of their hard hearts. All of that was present in and outside of my marriage. As a side note to adultery as the bible outlines it, adultery is more than just sexual immorality. It also includes abandonment, either by an unbelieving spouse or through emotional abandonment, financial abandonment, or physical abandonment; all of which were also present.

While the bible is very clear and has very little gray area about divorce, among other hot button issues, it is also very clear about judgment and condemnation. God is the only one who can judge a person. Our role is simply to love one another and to love God. To speak truth and seek the face of our heavenly father, the only perfect one, as we stumble through this messy life.

I want to make it clear that I never said or believe that God’s grace gives us permission to sin. God’s grace simply gives us permission to be human. When we sin and make mistakes, as we all do and will do until we die, God’s grace is sufficient to redeem us if we seek Him. I’d also like to clarify even the title of this post and say that I am not saying there are 50 shades of truth. Grace is a biblical truth that can be found on every page of God’s word. I am not trying to find gray area to forgive myself and justify my poor choices in the past and my mistakes along the way, nor am I trying to extinguish myself of all guilt and shame or give myself the ability to continue in sin. I am simply saying that despite all of that, in spite of my flesh and my flawed, broken, busted spirit, there is hope for me. There is hope for all of us. I pray the truth of my message and God’s word shines through the confusion and human error, and that if there is anything in me or my writing that is not biblically sound, that God would flesh it out. I simply cannot get on board with someone who claims I am not a Christian and will rot in hell because of my mistakes and choices, twisting my words about grace and God’s love to fit their own judgmental schema.

My path has been ugly and messy and very broken. There is still a lot of broken pieces and there likely always will be. If you can find someone who doesn’t have broken pieces along their path please, let me know who they are so we can all learn from their perfect ways. I am not that person. I am simply a flawed beyond belief, damaged, broken, sinful girl on a journey toward redemption through grace. I pray we all seek God’s truth, not our own, and that in spite of our broken lives, we never lose hope in the ability to carry on and be restored; able to live abundant lives to the glory of the one who calls us His own.

______________________________________
I am open to hearing feedback and thoughts on this matter, as well as my previous post in question. Thank you to those of you who have given your time, support and grace through this messy journey with me.

***If you’d like to read more about my journey, the other posts directly about my divorce and marriage are here:

Letting Go of the Broken Mirage
When Love Ends in a Courtroom
With This Ring

27 thoughts on “50 Shades of Grace: Part 1

  1. Ok, number one that woman who wrote you is clearly very “fundamental”….it’s a complete backwards and damaging way to view Christianity. They focus on rules, rules, rules instead of His grace, grace, grace. Bringing up Levitical law almost made me laugh out loud. Jesus Christ came to fulfill the law and to create the NEW Law which is simply: love The Lord your god with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. Period. End of discussion. For her to imply that you’ve been so sinful that God can’t redeem your life and your boys life is simply ignorant, at best. God gives grace to the most evil of people….he certainly extends it to you. And Josh and I both have no idea where she gets the idea about providing “protection” for
    Your unsaved spouse. That’s garbage and some wacky doctrine that she’s got. The Bible is actually quite clear in the damage of being “unequally yoked”.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I wrote it and if me taking scripture as truthakes me ‘fundamental’, make me a t-shirt and call me HAPPY!!!
      Let’s see what scripture says about the LAW-
      Matt 5:17Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil. 18For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.
      Enough said? Probably not. Why you would laugh at mentioning the contrast between how God dealt with the Jews and us is kinda odd considering you point the very fact out in the same post. :-/

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      • Jocelyn,
        First let me start by saying that I hope our discussions back and forth (and those that you continue to have with Rachael) can be respectful and spirit-filled….not spiteful. Perhaps I shouldn’t have said that quoting levitical law made me “laugh out loud”….however, it almost did. If I took everything from levitical law seriously today I wouldn’t: eat any fat, touch any unclean animal, let my hair be unkept (which trust me, it is unkept right this moment), tear my clothes (I teach special ed and my clothes are torn every day), eat any seafood (and I love shrimp), go to church 33 days after giving birth, pick grapes that have fallen off the vine in a vineyard, eat fruit within 4 years of planting the tree, work on the Sabbath (my husband is a pastor and I am a worship leader….so we work our tails off every Sunday)…and I could go on. My point was about the absurdity in using levitical law as a reason for backing up your comments toward Rachael and her current situation–which by the way, she has been open and honest about–an abusive, harmful and destructive marriage. If you use levitical law as a rule of thumb for your current life…well then, wow. Your life must be very different from those of us in the 21st century.
        And I agree with your statement about Jesus coming not to abolish the law but to fulfill the law. In fact, THAT was my point. The RULES are not the law– JESUS is! Jesus makes the law simple—love HIM and love OTHERS. That’s it, my friend. That’s it. Rules are DOCTRINE…NOT theology. Just sayin’…..(maybe check out the difference…it’s important to be educated on the difference between doctrine and theology)

        The truth of the matter is, of course I believe scripture; I am a pastor’s wife, a pastor’s kid and I love the Lord my God and work to love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and I try to love my neighbor as myself. But, if I sit and claim to do those things perfectly, every day, all the time– that would be a down-right lie. But does God love me any less? In fact, scriptures states in John that NO ONE will be plucked from God’s hand when they decide to follow Him.
        In my opinion of the words you used toward Rachael, you consider yourself to be quite “holy.” If you uphold the scriptures in the manner at which you claim to do– wouldn’t you remove the log out of your own eye before trying to point out the speck in your neighbors? Wouldn’t you allow the LORD to look at the heart of the person? I mean, we all know that humanity looks at the outward appearance (which is what you’re doing with your judgement…even though you’ll try to paint yourself as providing “Godly counsel”…. that’s a load of CRAP. Your counsel has been cruel, judgmental, and condemning) but the LORD looks at the heart. The LORD is the only person that Rachael has to face regarding her actions. She doesn’t have to justify herself to you. Sorry, if that offends you….but she owes you nothing. She owes Jesus her heart and her life…but you? Nothing. She owes you no explanation, no apologies for her choices…nada. zip. zilch. nothing.

        As I end this note, please spend time in personal reflection, for I fear that you need reminding of the basics of Christian love.
        Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved– clothe yourselves with COMPASSION, KINDNESS, HUMILITY, GENTLENESS and patience.– Colossians 3:12

        Courtney

        Liked by 2 people

  2. You are “choosing to divorce my alcoholic, adulterous, mentally and emotionally abusive husband.” My mom was there; God can’t possibly want you to stay. She left and her life with Christ began anew. Blessings and love to you. I am so very sorry you are being attacked.

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    • Thank you so much for that Cate! I agree with you and 100% believe God is redeeming and restoring me through this process. This fundamental, law based view of God is a sad one to me and repels people from God more than bringing them to Him. Not to mention it goes against scripture and the foundation of who God is in many ways. To remain in bondage and a slave to my past is not glorifying to God and in fact says I dont trust He is who he says he is and that my sin is bigger than his grace. Nothing about that us accurate. Thank you for your encouragement.

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  3. All I can say is hit Delete on her message and never think of it again. You know the truth of your situation and doing what is best for you and your boys. It’s not her place to judge, anyway. Getting yourself and your boys out of that dangerous and unhealthy situation was probably the most courageous thing you’ve ever done…NOT the easy route, as she says.
    I know you’re not trying for this…..but hugs and high fives to you!

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  4. Rachael, I am sorry for your loss. I know you have struggled and tried to build a family rooted in your beliefs. The realization that the person you choose was not suited to your expectations was devastating. As a woman was has struggled for decades with my faith, I usually have no basis to comment on matters of Christianity. However, I do feel compelled to comment this post. I have 3 points to share. 1. I have always thought the foundation of Christianity was do not judge. “Let he with no sins cast the first stone.” I often struggle with this because telling someone that he/she is being judgmental is judging thus hypocritical (instead I often pray for the fellow Christian and for my own tolerance). But, in this case the comment included in your post was harshly judgmental. 2. Another parable from the bible is TheProdigal Son, the lesson is that the Father loves and celebrates the return of the sinner to faith. That the blessings of the father are not reserved for the dutiful. My personal belief is that for some people, grace has more presence when it has healed wounds that we inflict upon ourselves. The apostles had checkered past, and they were the ones closest to Jesus, not the piteous. There is a very strong message in that example. In my opinion, This in no way is to encourage people to sin, but when we do to repent. 3. The final point: I believe our faith shines brightest in the things we do, not in the words we say. Quoting the bible, but not living the word just does not cut it. Love thy neighbor is about action: being kind, offering friendship, not gossiping these are examples of loving another;shunning and condemning others are actions, too. Despite well meaning Christian words,such actions do not reflect the intent of faith. I guess what I am saying is, beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing. All we can do is try to live a life in Christ, and that involves sin. We sin in the things we do, and in the things we fail to do. Sometimes we allow one sin to close our ears, our eyes, and our hearts to The Lord, this is a sin of omission. And sometimes our choice to turn away from faith is based on the concept that other Christians will “stone”us. Faith is about humility, and with that we experience grace. As your friend, who you loved unconditionally through a difficult time in my life, I believe that the lessons of your marriage will strengthen your resolve. Miracles do happen, but it is not our choice for who, when, or where.Maybe, the miracle was a moment of clarity for you.There are very few people who unwaveringly, endure hardship in the name of faith (Mother Teresa, Ghandi), and while we do aspire to be as such, I think it is human nature that we run to safety. I think your choice to keep your children and yourself safe was the BEST choice. I love you and support you in every way possible!

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    • Susan, I couldn’t have said it better myself. I agree with you on every point and so appreciate the truth in your words. I have come to know and understand God more through the last 2 years than my entire life, and in that, there is miraculous healing and redemption. I do not have it all together, and I never will. I feel my calling is to travel the broken roads and hopefully be a light in dark places. As you said, miracles do happen; but I am not responsible for them. God is. And even God doesn’t perform miracles on an unwilling, unyielding, unrepentant heart. This type of theology is scary and sad to me and I pray others will not run from God as a result of such judgmental wolves in sheep’s clothing. Thank you so much for your love and support and for taking the time to write such a heartfelt response. It truly means so much. You are a blessing and a true friend and I love you! ❤

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  5. Girl, just keep on seeking the Lord. He has a hedge of protection around you and your boys. It is so evident (even just screen to screen) that you are genuinely seeking Jesus and striving to raise your boys to do the same. God told us we would be persecuted when we put our faith out there. It’s sad that the persecution you’re experiencing is coming from others who claim the Gospel but He warns us of that. Keep pursuing Him, Rachael, and let Him continue to use you to further His Kingdom! You’re doing awesome things for the Lord! 🙂

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    • Annie that means so so much! Thank you! You’re right and it is sad, but it is encouraging to know that things like this only serve to strengthen me and others for God’s purpose. ❤ you’re a blessing!

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  6. Those people are WRONG. They are also breaking their own religion’s law of not judging. I love how people love to pick and choose which parts of a religion to follow. I have had weirdo religious (not always Christian- all kinds) people attack me online before. Even when you know they are wrong it is not fun and it really made me shut down emotionally and stay off the net for a while. I take things to heart and get hurt easily. So, I definitely wanted to chime in here and off you support. Hang in there and try to forget those people.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much!!! My past nature was to shy away from anything or anyone that caused ruffles. Its uncomfortable. I normally now wouldn’t even give something like this attention or space on my blog or life, But, for this, I felt it was necessary to speak against it because so many people have things like this happen and walk away faithless thinking this is God. It isn’t. Its disheartening that this is someone claiming to be the face of God, but it’s all the more reason to stand firm in my own faith and purpose, and trudge on. Thank you so much for your encouragement and taking the time to post!

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  7. Rachael, I am so sorry that you are being attacked this way. You have enough going on. 😥

    I am not here to give you virtual high fives but I sure will give you ((hugs)) because we can all use more love in our lives! I know that what you are going through has to be one of the hardest (if not THE hardest) thing you’ve ever gone through….so I’m guessing you can use all the hugs that are available to you! 😉
    I agree with Jill – delete the messages!

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  8. Rachel my heart hurts for you, not only for what you have been going through, but also that a fellow follower of Christ would go to such lengths to break you down and try to make you question your faith. I, too have gone through a divorce (albeit before I chose my faith) and know that God has forgiven me for that as quickly as he forgives me for grumbling, because all sins can be forgiven. I have remarried to a wonderful Christian man and know that God has brought him into my life.
    These verses always help me when people judge me, because I have encountered many other “Christians” who felt that they should judge me (and I admit I have been known to judge others a time or million… thank God for His grace!)
    Matthew 7:1-5 ESV
    “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

    Keep on writing and helping others with your posts. I am praying for Gods comfort and love for you and your boys 🙂

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    • What a gift you are, in so many ways. Thank you!!! That verse is such a good one for this and many other situations, because as you said, no matter what the sin, we all need forgiveness and receive it if we ask. God’s grace is there for all…no matter what their past looks like. Its not free reign to make bad choices and call it grace when you know better…but grace is who God is. Thank you so much for your encouraging words and sharing some of your story with me. It means so much!!!

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  9. First off, only love to you. Stay strong and move forward.

    Second, why does anyone who follows Christ feel it’s okay to judge others or decide what is best for them? I’ve never been able to grasp the concept of someone inserting themselves into a life they aren’t living and have NO clue what’s really happening in and think it’s their place to force-feed “advice.” How awful and uncalled for. You don’t need that negativity in your life: delete and unfriend!

    “When you think yours is the only true path you forever chain yourself to judging others and narrow the vision of God. The road to righteousness and arrogance is a parallel road that can intersect each other several times throughout a person’s life. It’s often hard to recognize one road from another. What makes them different is the road to righteousness is paved with the love of humanity. The road to arrogance is paved with the love of self.”
    ― Shannon L. Alder

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Well hot damn…Hugs and high fives to you! I like to push myself towards that whole “do not judge lest you be judged” thing. But that’s just me. Obviously that doesn’t work for some other people. So as far as I am concerned, you go on and do what is best for you and your boys. You won’t get any schooling from me…I have my own salvation to worry about, and that is enough on my plate thankyouverymuch. 🙂 And I kind of feel like God has bigger fish to fry than things like levitical law. I know I do.

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  11. good article. i went through the same crap when i left over abuse. couldn’t take the assaults anymore. church i attended turned their back on me, even had some stare me down on sidewalks. amazing. a lot of people have things backwards when it comes to judging. as i was being lambasted by the pastor i asked what he would be telling me if i was his daughter getting punched in the face. no reply of course. i told him if he didn’t go get her i would have. that was our last conversation. pretty sad. no wonder people stay away from the church when we act like this, stabbing our own wounded.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow that’s awful and I’m so sorry to hear that was your experience. I’m blessed that this was honestly my only real encounter with something like this directed at me. I’ve seen it but this was my only real experience with it so I’m grateful for that. Not all Christians operate this way and I think that’s the important thing to remember and message to share with the world. Don’t let a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch. Prayers for you and I hope you are finding new strength and freedom since leaving such a hellish situation.

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