Moms Say the Darndest Things

As a mom of all boys, I’ve found myself saying and doing things that have become normal but in any other role but mom, nothing about it would be considered normal. For instance, lifting up my child to sniff his butt in the middle of the grocery store, or kneeling down to smell it in front of the elephant exhibit at the zoo. I pick boogers with pleasure and accept them as gifts. Life as a mom isn’t always filled with glamour but it is always filled with fun!

I try not to be a mom who constantly says, “Don’t do that, don’t touch that, stop doing that, no no no!” I don’t enjoy that and I consider myself a very laid back kind of mom. I’ve never been the over sanitize, keep to a schedule, freak out over every germ type mommy. You have no choice with 3 boys. But there are certain things that you just have to throw in a “don’t” to every now and then. Here are just a few of the things I say on an almost daily basis as a mom of 3 hooligans angels.

1. Get your hands away from your poop silly!
2. No, we don’t need to look at the poop sweet pea, tell it bye.
3. Whoa, that’s a Big, stinky poop!!! (Followed by lots of laughter)
4. Oh, you got a boogy? Let me have it…. thank you!!
5. You got the milk flowing now you better eat…it’s spraying everywhere! (For the breastfeeder of the bunch)
6. Yep, That’s your penis.
7. Don’t play with your brother’s penis…you can play with your own but that’s his.
8. No you’re not eating penis, you’re eating PEAS! (Insert rosy cheeks)
9. FARTNIN’!!!!! (This is the commentary for any air that squeezes its way through someone’s hiney; and again, followed by lots of laughter)
10. I pooping mommy/I need to go poop! (My favorite place for this is in the middle of a store or church, preferably around lots of people!)
11. Ouch!!! Don’t bite me! (That’s for the little guy)
12. Did you get an ouchy? Let me kiss it!
13. I’m gonna need you to stop screaming directly in my face. You may go scream in another room.
14. Use your own legs please.
15. Don’t sit on your brother buddy.
16. Please stop throwing toys everywhere… Let’s see who can pick them up the fastest! Whoever gets the most wins! (They’re still young enough not to actually win anything more than a mommy kiss, thank you Lord.)
17. No buddy, I’m not gonna get butt naked right now, but you can.
18. We have to wear clothes if we’re gonna go sweet pea.
19. You can get butt naked as soon as we get home.
20. Leave my shirt down please. You can play with my belly later. (Did you know it looks like that because you guys used to live in there!?)
21. Do you have a dirty yucky? Let me have it. I’ll get it!
22. Are your listening ears on? It doesn’t look like it…. let’s put those ears on.
23. Do we need a time out?
24. We don’t hit each other. Give him a hug and say you’re sorry.
25. Don’t jump on that please!
26. Hold my hand/hold me.
27. Let’s cool it on the splashing my friends.
28. Peppa went night night. … Paw Patrol went night night too. … Yep, Mickey, Dora, the guppies… everybody went night night so now it’s your turn.
29. Its pray time, Not play time.
30. Your hiney hurts? Does it need a kiss? (Well, on second thought….)
31. Oooh bud don’t catch your pee… let’s go wash your hand!
32. Say excuse me.
33. Thank you for my hugs!
34. I missed you too buddy!

They may not be clean and they may fall a lot, make a lot of messes and end up with mysterious bruises and scratches of all kinds; they may throw themselves on the floor because you wouldn’t let them hit each other or fall down the stairs; they may love all things poop and fart related, and their penis will forever be a main love in their life; but mom will always be number one and life will always be interesting, and I wouldn’t trade a minute of it for the anything in the world!

I like to say, “A house full of boys is a house full of joys!”

What awesome things do you find yourself saying to your kids?

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27 thoughts on “Moms Say the Darndest Things

  1. Oh this was a good laugh…mostly because I can totally relate! I’ve probably said some variation of 90% of this list 🙂 funny what motherhood does to us!


  2. I just had to explain to my son the other that his sister won’t be growing a penis. He was wondering when hers was going to “come in”.

    I try to at least mentally catalog these things, even write them down. They are just so precious. 🙂 love this post!


  3. Oh my lands, this list is hilarious, and so close to home! I have my daughter saying peeyou to her poop! I only have one daughter and already say a lot of these things so I can only imagine what you go through. Way to go- keeping up with three boys!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha, oh thank you! Kids are hilarious…boy or girl, and motherhood makes us say some pretty awesome things on a regular basis for sure! Thanks for reading and I’m glad you could relate 😃


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