Son Up to Son Down

“A boy is a noise with dirt on it.”

If that’s true, and I believe it is, I am blessed with 3 beautiful, dirty noises.

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There are no dull moments, ever. Nothing is clean. There are lots of sticky surfaces. Its very rarely quiet; and if it is, there’s probably reason for concern.

Around here, laundry accumulates faster than snow in a blizzard. There’s a spill at least hourly. Breastmilk, spit up, poop or food in some form or another is a staple in every outfit. Showers for me come once every 4 days, while baths for the boys are nightly, not including kiddie pools and water hose baths of course. Meals, if you can call them that, are eaten standing over a counter, or while breastfeeding a 21 pounder, or with 1-3 babies in my lap. Bathroom breaks are done as a group. I now get excited about Peppa Pig, Paw Patrol, and Dora the Explorer, (Peppa is our fav) and the only time I watch adult tv is if it’s been DVR ‘d and it’s 1 am.

Balls of every kind frequently fly at my face. “Me time” consists of the rare 30 minute windows of time where I can either bathe, clean or eat something without having to share. Going somewhere is like a 3-ring circus production. Uninterrupted sleep is a thing of the past. Money goes out faster than it comes in, and very rarely is it spent on anything for myself, except for food and the occasional spanx style tank top to hold everything together. Days are long, nights are short, and nothing about my body belongs to me.

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Wrestling matches are a new and frequent sport. Meltdowns are recurrent…and sometimes the boys join in too. 😉 Some days it seems like someone is always crying. Crackers, cheerios and popcorn crumbs are found in places I didn’t know they could be found. Everything is said twice (corn corn, pop pop, seat seat, etc) and most words have a “y” tacked onto the end of them (milky, whoopsy, Lukey, booky, moony etc). Each new word is celebrated like a world cup win. Small human bodily functions are delighted in, especially when they’re done in a potty. Colors are brighter. Smells are sweeter. Schedules are full. Hearts are fuller.

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My butt is flabbier and my belly skin stretches almost as far as my heart, but it serves as a source of entertainment and laughter so it’s worth every extra inch.

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And I wouldn’t trade a single piece of any of it for anything in the world.

There’s a quote that says, “Moms of boys work from son up to son down.” No truer words were ever spoken.

These boys are non stop. And even when they’re stopped, my mommy brain is always on go. Reliving moments from the day, thinking up activities for tomorrow, and dreaming/worrying about their lives years in the future. Praying for them to become strong, godly men and that they find strong, godly women to edify and uphold them. Asking God to stand in the gap and shield them from all the mistakes I’m bound to make. Thanking God for choosing me to be the mother of these treasures, and wondering how He deemed me worthy of such a gift.

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Motherhood is a 24/7 devotion of everything I have to give. It is the one thing in my life I feel sure about.

There are certainly moments I lose my cool, need a break, feel overwhelmed, doubt myself, hide in the bathroom, raise my voice louder than I meant to, reach my limit and hit the “over it” point. My attitude isn’t always good and my face isn’t always bright and smiling. But as soon as those moments come, I am reminded that I will all too soon long for these days again.

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There will come a day that I will miss the sticky surfaces, the lack of sleep, the stained t-shirts and yoga pants. My heart will ache when I can no longer fit all 3 boys in my arms…a pleasure that is already becoming more of a challenge. Not a moment passes that I don’t realize this will never come again.

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My boys are becoming little men before my very eyes. Their bodies, which I used to hold in one hand, now take up half of mine. They already try to read me bedtime stories instead of the other way around. “I do it myself mommy” is an all the time phrase, and soon, they won’t need me anymore.

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No matter how much sleep I didn’t get, the best part of every day is going to my boys room and before even opening the door hearing an excited, “Mommy’s coming!!!” Then swinging open the door to see their little cherub faces beaming at me, waiting with a, “Hi mommy!!!” and wrapping their whole selves around me as they say, “I hold you mom!?”

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My heart falls out of my chest at least 20 times a day, for all different kinds of reasons. Truth is, since those boys entered my life, I don’t know that my heart has been inside my chest at all. It lives outside of me in 3 other small people, and I’ve never felt more blessed by anything.

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Their small hands wrapped inside of mine give me strength to keep going. Their hugs and “I yub ou mommy” have become my oxygen. The specks of joy in their eyes when they look at me and smile are what pumps the blood through my tired veins. Their spills and messes give my messy life purpose and meaning. Their lives have given mine justification.

Not every waking moment is a complete joy, but everyday is a blessing I do not deserve. My boys are where heaven meets earth for me. God has become tangible because of them and I’ve begun to understand His daddy heart for me in a way I could never imagine before. He has used them to rescue and redeem my life and I am saved daily by this calling of motherhood.

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I have been given the chance to experience the world all over again. To relive moments of my childhood. To remember what it’s like to be young and innocent. To explore and play and be silly. To appreciate and see the small things, realizing they in fact are the big things. To relish every moment, both the crazy and the calm. To grow. To laugh. To weep. To ache. To dream. To feel. To live.

Every day is a new adventure and there is no one I’d rather spend my time with than these 3 guys. No job, no calling, has ever been or ever will be more fulfilling, more challenging, more meaningful than this one. I am the luckiest mom in the world and am constantly humbled by the reality that they are mine, and I am theirs.

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Thank you Lord for trusting me with your angels.

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24 thoughts on “Son Up to Son Down

  1. Haha, I have one boy and a girl who can be a little rambunctious when she wants to so i half way feel you! Your perspective is simply beautiful. Those are three lucky boys you hold. Hold on as long as possible! 🙂

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    • Oh thank you Kristin! It means a lot that you liked and related to it, and yes I agree, I do believe all moms completely understand the dynamics of motherhood and all the ways we are stretched in ways we never knew possible. Its the best gig going ☺

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  2. Such a wonderful article! Your mother’s heart is so beautiful, your sons are so precious, and God’s Daddy love is so real! Aren’t boys great? I have six…and I am still trying to figure them out and become an expert mother of boys.

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    • Oh thank you so much!!! Boys are the absolute best! I’m still at the very beginning of figuring it all out and I’m sure I always will be, but the learning process is a beautiful blast! ☺

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  3. This is so beautiful, I only have two kids but feel everything you talked about! It’s the toughest and most rewarding job of my life. Thank you for sharing 🙂

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  4. I have a little girl but I can relate to so many of these feelings you have! I cannot wait until my little girl can say “I love you mommy” and at the same time I just want to freeze her where she is. She recently started hugging and it is amazing! Have fun with your three “beautiful dirty noises”!

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    • Oh thank you! I can’t wait for her to say I love you to you too….it’s the best thing in the world! And it doesn’t matter of you have boys, girls, one, or ten…. kids are hard work. But they are soooo worth every single little bit! Its the hardest job I’ve ever had but the most rewarding for sure, and it’s all just begun! 😀

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  5. I remember those days! My boys are now much older and smellier, they eat more and they make bigger messes — but they take care of themselves and the younger ones, they know more about physics than I ever will and they’re each becoming a man-child instead of my little boys. I love your perspective on enjoying them in the moment, because it passes so quickly!

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  6. “Balls of every kind frequently fly at my face.” – LOL! This is so very true (and I’ve found ONLY true with my two boys – not my girl!) 😉

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  7. Your heart for your boys is a treasure, Rachel. I love this line: “God has become tangible because of them and I’ve begun to understand His daddy heart for me in a way I could never imagine before.” I totally agree! Parenting has taught me precious lessons about my Heavenly Father.

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    • Thank you so much Ai. It has been unbelievable how much God has shown me through my boys. I have always struggled to understand God as a father and his true grace and love for me no matter what. He has used them to show me himself and his heart, and it blows my mind daily. Children are a gift in every way!

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