I should be showering because a miracle has occurred and all 3 boys are napping…at the same time!!! And oh yeah, also because it’s been 4 days since I bathed. No I’m not exaggerating. Sunday was my last shower. It is now Thursday. I know…judge all you want, but sometimes bathing is simply not a luxury that fits well into my day. I’m ok with it. This is what dry shampoo and deodorant are for folks!

Anyway, I digress.

Between my “I never shower and don’t own a brush” appearance, my attempt at growing a shady place for my sons with my unshaven legs, and the fact that I just plopped down on the couch with an entire bag of Smartfood popcorn to hork down, (yes that’s a word), I am living up to every ignorant person’s stereotypical image of what a stay at home mom does and looks like.

Not only does my appearance fit the bill, but so does what’s on my television. Let me preface this by saying, I have NEVER watched soap operas. I’m sorry if you are someone who loves them and finds them deep and enchanting, but I am not one of those people. Before anyone gets their feelings hurt let me also say there’s nothing wrong with enjoying soap operas. It’s just that for me, I find about as much enjoyment in watching a soap opera as I do in, oh I don’t know, scraping gum off the bottom of my shoe.

But here I sit. Popcorn in hand, shower calling, and soap opera on in full swing.
It’s interesting that I have no problem with reality t.v., (well, some of it) but find so many flaws in soap operas. They’re basically the same thing. Drama filled, fake acting, emotionless sagas of lives in constant turmoil and chaos. Someone is always being murdered or plotting a murder, being cheated on or cheating on someone else, lying, scheming and trying to pretend they have it all together, all the while lacking any kind of substance or genuine relationship with real human emotions.

Clearly, I tend to judge soap operas as the toe jam and arm pit fuzz of tv and typically change the channel as soon as it gets stupid, which is usually about 1.3 seconds into the cheesy music playing. For some reason today, I let it stay on in the background. It’s mostly a service really. These people work hard on these t.v. shows and they need someone to support their acting careers. I’m just being a servant. I am being one of the “little people” they will thank someday in an award show. You’re welcome.

So as this useless crap is unfolding before my eyes, a few thoughts came to mind. Soap operas are basically an attempt at being a microcosm, a mini drama of real life. It’s just all the absolute shit (pardon my French but sometimes there’s just no better word) of real life crammed into a 30 minute episode of theatrical work, accompanied by perfectly timed cheesy, ridiculous music. It’s basically the evening news harmonized by a sleazy tune.

The bummer about the real life soap operas we star in is that there is no channel changing. There is no well planned music to support our dramatic twinklings. We don’t get to skip the stupid stuff, fast forward the awkward moments, or change the channel altogether and watch a different story.

Our life is our life.

Ironically, this season of my life continues to unfold and parts of it look more and more like these absurd soap operas I am bashing. There’s no murder, physically; there’s no cheating, at least not confirmed; there’s no glaringly obvious schemes to destroy a life….. on second thought, yes there is. Soon, there will likely even be court rooms involved. Ok so maybe it’s a lot like a soap opera. Yuck!

For many years my mom and I have always tagged dramatic, painful events and periods of life by saying, “as the stomach churns.” It always makes us chuckle to ourselves and breaks the heavy yoke of whatever is going on in that moment. Yet it carries with it a very real feeling associated with those life events.

Real life does look a lot like a soap opera, only the actors are people you know, love, and care about. People you have real, genuine emotions for and experiences with. We don’t audition for these roles. In real life, the tacky music breaks are the things that break us off at the knees. The awkward and abrupt scene changes are the painful changes we endure, both planned and unplanned. In real life there are no commercials, and it certainly can’t be summarized in a 30 minute dramatization. The channel doesn’t change in real life and the stories are real.

Luckily, the author and director of our real life soap opera is much greater than the ones writing the scenes of these awful clips of mindless entertainment. When the show is over and we are invited to the award ceremony, each scene will be shown to us from a behind the scenes view point. We will be shown the director’s cut and all the bloopers and unseen footage will be revealed. It will all make sense someday.

For now, as I continue to move through the real life episodes and as the dramatic saga continues to unfold, it doesn’t necessarily all make sense. Some of it seems pretty stupid. I can sense the cheesy music being cued and I want to change the channel. The stomach is churning. But, “Like sands through the hour glass, so are the days of our lives.”

I just heard my 7 month old stir, so before the window of opportunity closes and I am shunned from society, I’m going to shower. 😘