For my sons: I wonder if you know…

I wonder if you know how much you mean to me. I wonder if you know that I have loved you since I was a child. I wonder if you know that every single moment with you, that love doubles and leaves me feeling things I never knew I could. I wonder if you know that when I look at you, I can see your angel wings. I wonder if you know that wherever you are is where heaven meets earth. I wonder if you know that you saved my life in ways I can’t explain to you until you’re much older. I wonder if you know that my heart beats inside your chest and yours in mine.  I wonder if you know that when you cry, my insides ache. I wonder if you know that when you laugh, my world stops. I wonder if you know how much I don’t know. I wonder if you know I worry about your life twenty, fifty and eighty years from now (and you’re only 2, 2, and 6 months old). I wonder if you know you have taught me more in the two years I’ve known you than I might ever be able to teach you in your life. I wonder if you know that your tight hugs and tiny kisses can change my entire day around. I wonder if you know how proud of you I am, not because of what you do but because of who you are. I wonder if you know that you have pushed me to limits I never knew I had (and you’re only 2, 2, and 6 months old). I wonder if you know I pray for you more than I’ve ever prayed for anything or anyone in my life. I wonder if you know you’re a miracle, in every sense of the word. I wonder if you know there’s absolutely nothing you could ever do that will change my love for you. I wonder if you know that when I smell your head, it’s like the world stops spinning for a brief moment. I wonder if you know that you are a true gift; a gift I cherish and delight in every single minute, even in the tough ones. I wonder if you know that my love for you is so deep that it almost hurts. I wonder if you know I never understood the difference between joy and happiness until you came along, and I never felt joy the way I have since you entered my life. I wonder if you know you are perfect just the way you are because God made you and He makes no mistakes. I wonder if you know there is no one I’d rather spend my time with than you. I wonder if you know how wise you are and that while I’m trying to teach you about life, you’re teaching me how to live. I wonder if you know your first home was inside my body and that while you grew underneath my heart, you also grew into it. I wonder if you know you are my life and my world, but I want you to create your own lives outside of and apart from me (but not any time soon:)). I wonder if you know that when you made me a mother, you helped me become whole. I wonder if you know that even when everything around me seems to fall, you are what keeps me standing. I wonder if you know that although my hands and arms are full, my heart is even fuller.
I wonder if you know….

I love you. Endlessly.

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